Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Hey. Girlfriend.

I was on the phone yesterday with my mother, catching up on recent goings on.  She asked me how the state of affairs was with my gentleman friend, I admitted to her things appeared to be coming to an abrupt end.  Her immediate response was,

"You'll find someone else."

I asked her why that would be my consolation, why that should be my focus....it struck me as the last thing I wanted to hear at the moment.  She replied,

"Because you'll want someone to do things with and women aren't all that great to be around."

WHOA.  I could actually smell bullshit THROUGH THE GODDAMN TELEPHONE.

I said only, "I'm going to stop you right now, because I couldn't disagree with you more."

I cannot properly express how good the women in my life have been to me.  Not here to man bash, only to give praise where it's due.  My girlfriends have been there to listen, laugh, and cry with me....and have given me a ton of good advice when I needed it, which lately has been every other minute.

I was reminded of this bit of an interview with Jane Fonda on Piers Morgan......someone I truly admire.

MORGAN: How many times do you think you've properly been in love in your life?

FONDA: Oh, maybe five times. That's a lot. But I'm old, so --

MORGAN: That is quite a lot.

FONDA: It's --

MORGAN: But you've done well.

FONDA: Yes, I have.

MORGAN: And if you could take --

FONDA: I've been lucky.

MORGAN: -- if you could take one of those people to a desert island for the rest of your life who -- and it can't be your current partner, but -- so we'll have to eliminate him from this particular --

FONDA: It would be my girlfriends.

MORGAN: -- investigation.

FONDA: It would be my girlfriends.

MORGAN: Well, if I -- but if I forced you to take one of the men you've loved in your life, who would it be?

FONDA: You -- you couldn't. You couldn't.

MORGAN: Really?

FONDA: No. Been there, done that. I mean, I'm very happy right now. I have a lover and I'm real -- real happy. But I wouldn't particularly want to go to a desert island. I think the longest lived relationships are my girlfriends. Women have a whole network of -- of nurturing, emotional relationships. And in terms of longevity, put me on a desert island with a bunch of women friends.


MORGAN: You'd probably have a happier time.

Amen to that, Jane.  It's been said that Jane married Roger Vadim, a director, as she wanted to be an actor.  Then she married Tom Hayden as she wanted to be an activist.  Then she married Ted Turner as she wanted to be a philanthropist.  Then she realized she could just become the husband she'd always wanted to have...that her dreams weren't tied to being with a man.

I talked at length with my friend Colleen about this recently....we're pretty obsessed with female empowerment pow wows.  Colleen had just been on a motorcycle trip with some friends around the California wine country and she told me she had talked me up to the group.  How much she digs my storytelling, how she thinks it's courageous of me to get up in front of people and talk about my life.  This from someone who rode a motorcycle and camped her way across the country alone for two months...a feat I find unfathomably brave.  She posted a photo of herself online the other day that was shot of her on her bike, positivity was shooting out of every pixel.  I showed the picture to a mutual friend and said, "Wow, doesn't she look great?"  When I hung up the phone, I thought of her singing my praises to people who had never met me at the same time as I was showing her picture around and I thought, "Shit, why aren't there men who talk and feel this way about us?"  The answer was immediately clear....because that's not life's ultimate objective.   Not that romantic love isn't possible and fantastic and something to always be open to....it's just not worth more than the love that surrounds you and propels you if you cultivate meaningful friendships.

I have HUGE love in my heart for dudes...if you're a straight guy and you've gotten to the end of this, you ROCK.  And gay boys, without you, I'm nothing.....certainly taking some homos to the desert island.  Who else is going to take care of the decorating and crank the dance music?

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