Thursday, February 3, 2011

Communication Breakdown

After some serious discussions with my starting players on Team Vagina, I've come up with my personal hierarchy of communication.  It goes a little something like this:

1) In person, preferably over food and vino
2) Telephone
3) Text Message
4) Email
5) Facebook

I don't Skype, so I'm not sure where that might fit it....the thought of having people see me on the telephone is my nightmare.  You wouldn't believe the shit I'm doing when I'm talking to you; it's best left unsaid. 

In analysing the list, I've had the following realizations.  My job combined with my penchant to be an reclusive weirdo can make option 1 a challenge.  And I as I deplore option 2, I am constantly jamming as much of options 3-5 into my life as I can stand.  This has left me feeling unsatisfied, like when you eat a Clif bar when you really need a steak dinner.  Even when carefully chosen, the intention of the written word can often be lost or misconstrued....this fact combined with the lack of real time feedback from your audience, options 3 -5 tend to just barely fill the void in the quest for human connection.  Of course if you just have tons of options 3-5 going on, then you don't really have time for options 1 or 2, or time to think about what you're missing. I witness a lot of this phenomenon.  Over the last year I've had a good string of  relationships that barely took place in reality.  My phone has processed declarations of love, naked photos, requests for naked photos, tearful confessions, mind blowing poetry, expletive filled frustrations, all mixed in with regular every day information from a million directions.  The technology which claims to bring us all together instantly seems to be creating a lack of real intimacy....I often catch myself  living in text/email/FB land when in the presence of living, breathing people with feelings, which really is disrespectful to everyone involved.  I'm convinced my "smart" phone has made me a lot dumber in a lot of ways.  As someone who conducts a ton of long distance relationships, I'm on a mission to make them better by changing the way I communicate....preferably having most of my dealings in person, then the phone, and on down the list.

Will I post this on Facebook, my least loved method of communicating?  Probably.  Rome wasn't built in a day.


  1. I think it's time to read

    Virtually You: The Internet and the Fracturing of the Self by Elias Aboujaoude

    Dr. Aboujaoude asks whether the vast storage available in e-mail and on the Internet is preventing many of us from letting go, causing us to retain many old and unnecessary memories at the expense of making new ones. Everything is saved these days, he notes, from the meaningless e-mail sent after a work lunch to the angry online exchange with a spouse.
    “If you can’t forget because all this stuff is staring at you, what does that do to your ability to lay down new memories and remember things that you should be remembering?”

    oooohhhh - Nice first Blog Post!!!! Looking forward to the next!!!

  2. Nothing wrong with being a reclusive weirdo - it works for me. And white wine on the couch in front of the teeves rocks! When your best conversations are talking back to the teevee, there's no arguing, no conflict, no heartbreak and you're always right.

  3. I am calling you tomorrow.
    Fantastic blog by the way!